I’ve been feeling so hurt, destroyed and just pure sad these couple of months. Much has happened and my heart hurts, it really does. But with that said, I know that I have to let things go and breakaway.
I fell for him, a tad too hard. I trusted him, a tad too much. It took me 7 years to actually get to him or should I say, 7 years for us to reconcile. We were friends. Now? Strangers. Maybe things escalated a little too quickly but at the same time it just felt so right and I trusted what my heart felt/gut feeling. But shit happens and things just turned to temporary bliss. He said/did several things that questioned everything that was happening between the two of us and one thing led to another… I lost him. I lost him, again. I honestly thought he genuinely loved me but I guess it was just some game to him because I’m pretty sure he just missed the feeling/idea of being loved. It never hit me that he was this sorta guy. (playerboys are a huge nono *pukes*).
I saw a great amount of good in him and I still do actually. He has the sweetest smile, a soul filled with determination and a kind heart, the list goes on. But he still managed to bring me so much pain. I shouldn’t be torturing myself like this especially when he isn’t feeling as hurt or affected. I decided to take a firm step in, to breakaway.
Letting go is never easy and it will never be. As much as it pains me, I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and maybe instead loving myself more. I need to improve on myself and treat myself way better. Well, I am slowly trying and constantly finding ways to improve myself mentally and physically. Things always happen for a reason and that if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. We may never talk again/I doubt I ever want to but I sincerely hope he starts acting like a real man.
“C’est la vie.” There’s a time and place for everything and everyone in your life. Some will last a lifetime, and some won’t be permanent. It’s not the end of the world and things will get better. I may be a snail when it comes to letting go but I’m on my way. My friends constantly tell me that I deserve so much more and so much better, that I shouldn’t be letting jerks get to me. Well, I’m starting to see it too and yes I do deserve so much more. I should stop crying myself to sleep, being too understanding, caring too much, falling too hard too quickly and having expectations when they just lead to disappointments.
To anyone reading this: “You deserve someone who loves you with every single beat of his heart, someone who thinks about you constantly, someone who spends every minute of every day just wondering what you’re doing, where you are, who you’re with, and if you’re OK. You need someone who can help you reach your dreams and protect you from your fears. You need someone who will treat you with respect, love every part of you, especially your flaws. You should be with someone who could make you happy, really happy, dancing on air happy.” ― Cecelia Ahern,